i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
