names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
