Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
