Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
