im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
