just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
