We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
