youre lurking in front of me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
