Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
