i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
