So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
