we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
