my mouth tastes like poor choices
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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