She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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