If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
