I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
