If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
