what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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