Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
