Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm getting married
To pizza
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
