it was like his penis was on wheels.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
