i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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