I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
