In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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