It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
