just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
