his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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