that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
