she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
