i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
