Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
