my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
