why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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