oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
