Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
