and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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