i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
