i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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