I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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