I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
