Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
