my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
