12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
