if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
