I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
