He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
