I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
