Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
