Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
