hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
