best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
