He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
