Whod you bang
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
